Near Dead Ted

These are the demented ramblings of a demented Dentist with too much time on his hands...

Ted's Current Wisdom:
"If you are seen fixing it, you will be blamed for breaking it."

                   - N. D. Tedly, D.D.S., Raconteur, Gourmand, LSMFT  (1951-20??)

 
United We Stand

note:  anything in blue is added by Ted nemesis...The Webmaster

CLICK LINK ABOVE TO ENTER THE CHAT ROOM

November 23, 2007

So....do you people realize what is going on here...better than a battle of the grunge bands...Obama was on his way to being a "pothead"...and lots of Hillary's supporters are "potheads"...Obama didn't like the atmosphere...Hillary supporters inhale every chance they get...the "P" word is more vile to aging dopers than the "N" word is to Negro-African-American-Black Americans..."pothead" somehow implies that weed might be bad...somehow implies the equivalent of an alcoholic...and we all know the old hippies would not lie...but a "pothead" might....who needs soccer moms..."potheads" are the Dems swing vote...

Sincerely N.D.Ted

September 10, 2006

What is going on...are we in a fashion flashback...and just who is running this world anyway...I am fairly certain that polyester causes global warming...and yes they are all children of the sixties...never trust a man who talks with his eyes closed if he can't play the piano...men in Leisure Suits...you can stick a fork in them...

July 5, 2006

For your daily dose of Ted...stick your fork here...

May 7, 2006

Ladies and Gentlemen...your next president of the United States of America...

Sincerely N.D.Ted

May 1, 2006

What...we have done such a good job with this at home...we as a nation are willing to share this...with all nations...when we don't meet expectations in our schools...we lower the bar...when we are forced to work harder...we are harassed...not a problem...the Dumbing Down of Mexicans...you can stick a fork in that...because not every Mexican was happy about today...and guess what...the ones that were not happy are apt to do more about it than you or I...(Ted did not mean to leave out his millions of international readers)

Sincerely N.D.Ted

April 30, 2006

Ted's Top Five Things to Do before the Cinco de May Day Brown Out...

5...Mow your lawns or cut the grass depending on where you live...

4...Stock up on glass candles...

3...Put a picture of Ellis Island in your window...

2...Taco Bell is an American company

1...We are not in Texas anymore Toto...

Sincerely N.D.Ted

April 17, 2006

April 16, 2006

his is a letter to the editor from a small town newspaper...written not to Ted...but through the wonders of the net...here it is...the writer is a friend of a friend of Ted's...

Mexico has failed its poor

The Mexican government's definition of "economics" is exporting its unwanted poor to America instead of lifting them up. I believe 11 million illegals so far, just a drop in the bucket, of the 50 million unwanted very poor that soon will follow. This is a very smart move on the part of Mexican President Vicente Fox and his corrupt government. Imagine 50 million angry Mexicans marching on Mexico City for human rights and a minimum wage at least equal to that of America. What can we do to make this happen? A movement like this would dwarf the civil rights movement of America. Perhaps a boycott of all Mexican products would be a starting point, followed by a demand of workers right's and decent wages. The Mexican government has failed to take care of its poor "forever" and the time for change has arrived. I have spoken with many illegal Mexicans. They love their country but imagine trying to support your family on $7 a day. We need to help stop the exportation of Mexican citizens from their beloved country. We can do this by helping Mexican citizens organize the biggest human rights march ever against the Mexican government and in Mexico City. I urge all concerned citizens to unite and work toward this goal. One which benefits Mexicans and Americans as well.

Trust me...this guy knows the situation...no fork needed...

Sincerely N.D.Ted

April 10, 2006

So...our friends the Saudi's want to build a fence...all along their border...560 miles of it...and we are in Iraq fighting a daily battle to allow the "Iraqi people" freedom...yet in Texico and Californicate and other southern states...we do not want a fence...is this analogy too simple or what...do we want our fence and eat it too...do we want it both ways...Ted will have to consult his good cyber buddies at www.thehartwellgroup.com ...and all the while first time house buyers are experiencing the pain of having their own white picket fence...right here in the good old USA...you can stick a fork in that...

Sincerely
NO.DO.Ted

April 1, 2006

Ted's Top Five Sport God Nicknames..if we knew then what we know now...

5...The Lance Rentzel Pencil...(not really a God...but a mere mortal)

4...The Sultan of the Sauce...

3...The Juice and Juice and more Juice

2...Manhattan Joe (with a beer chaser)

1...Wilt Chamberlain the One Man Million Woman March...

Sincerely N.D.Ted

T.S. (tesdcript)...checks were written and have been sent out to all nine exes...please note the date on the check...

March 27, 2006

Welcome to the office of Teducation and the home of...TedHall...eek tells me Ted...you need to start writing again...become world famous again...Teducate the masses...tell the people about the Million Mexican March...what in the world is going on when Bill Richardson and George W. Bush are on the same page...have we finally achieved diversity in government..was the cabinet that looked like America really a bridge to the new millennium...the key word here is illegal... illegal immigrants...and this great country gives their mindset the opportunity to march...ask for more medical benefits...ask for amnesty...but wait...were they asking or demanding...Lady Liberty opens her arms to all kinds of legal immigrants...political refugees...the definition of an immigrant has been blurred...not unlike Ted's vision...Uncle Sam wearing a two dollar pair of reading glasses...you can stick a fork in that...

Sincerely N.D.Ted

March 21, 2006

Sincerely N.D.Ted

March 17, 2006

Greetings...Happy St. Paddy's day...and keep in mind...green in...green out...

Sincerely N.D.Ted

(This public service message has been brought to you by the Department of Teducation and the Baron of Bisbee Productions)

March 13, 2006

This Tedbit of news and reflection was sent in by cousin...Never Slick Got a Grip Rick...

Teddy had it so right! Not Kennedy, but Roosevelt!

Theodore Roosevelt's ideas on Immigrants and being an AMERICAN in 1907.

"In the first place, we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here in good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, he shall be treated on an exact equality with everyone else, for it is an outrage to discriminate against any such man because of creed, or birthplace, or origin. But this is predicated upon the person's becoming in every facet an American, and nothing but an American...There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag... We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language... and we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people."

Theodore Roosevelt 1907

March 3, 2006

What is going one out there...we have Tyra Banks trash talking pole dancers...those guys that watch those dancers actually go home and fantasize about the dancer when they are having sex with their wife...Tyra...Tyra...Tyra...no man has ever fantasized about you while having sex...come on...and then we have a married couple...the man has an affair...to blazes with the wife and kids...and instead of being a pig as all men are...this guy becomes a liberal icon...so gay sex outside of marriage is okie dokie...men are only pigs when they bed women that are better looking than their mate...after all these years Ted is going to have to tear down his Tyra...in the spirit of diversity...Banks poster...as for the cinema...grabbing a handful of buttered popcorn in the dark...you can stick a fork in that...

Sincerely N.D.Ted

February 26, 2006

When it comes to sitcom sidekicks he set the bar...George and Kramer were good...but Barney was one of a kind...Barney was all of us...our insecurities...our false bravado...I am fairly certain that Ted's vast know-it-alledge came from him... a lot of us grew up watching Opie out smart him...Andy bail him out...Aunt Bea roll her eyes at him...and Gomer expose him...yet we all wanted to ride in his sidecar...we all wanted to flirt with Juanita down at the diner...and we all waited for the next big statewide manhunt or slick con man to pass through Mayberry...Don Knotts is Americana...R.I.P. my television friend...

Sincerely

N.D.Ted

February 19, 2006

Another satisfied reader writes:

Dear Mr. Tedly:

A gourmand is someone who is excessively fond of fine food and drink. A gourmond is a dentist who thinks it's classy to put Grey Poupon on his double cheese gut bomb. Good day to you Sir.

Marcus

Keep those cards and letters coming folks. The Ted Letter Office is open for business. Marcus is obviously a student of the science of food...this would make him a Burritologist...being from Northern Mexico he has frequented several thousand taco wagons in his program of intense research and study...and you thought the only news around here was about the Vice President...you don't know tostadas...you cant stick a cheap plastic like fork in that...

Sincerely N.D.Ted  <Marcus either doesn't get it at all or he completely gets it...hmmm.>

February 15, 2006

Ok...first I hear Rush Limbaugh...Limbaugh...Rush Limbaugh...talk about Dick Licenses...and then he says that bloggers are whackos...not boo-gers...bloggers...Ted is a journalist...not a blogger...Ted was here before there were blogs...Ted is a pioneer of the blogisphere...then in the privacy of my own chat room...Bulldog tells Ted...Ted you have been a little rough on the Dick...you should be talking about real issues...like the Doobies running our ports...Betty and Laur are in the corner trying to hum a tune...meanwhile back at the ranch John Wayne and JW are stealing Ted's Effen...then dog tells me that Clinton gave the ports to the Chi-Coms...in the spirit of diversity...can't we all just get along...you can stick a fork in that...

Sincerely N.D.Ted

February 14, 2006

OK...now I am angry...Happy Valentine's Day to all before I get started...back to biz...was it a hunting accident...yes...an accident...so that's alright...did we enter Iraq on bad intelligence...sure...so that was an accident...and I am writing this with all due respect to the brave men and women who have given their all...but he didn't pay a measly seven dollar fee for a hunting stamp...it's a tax...a fee is a tax..a license is a tax...come on...this is one of those everyday taxes that we all pay...they are disguised as something other than a tax...but it is a tax...pay the damn tax...just like the rest of us...Dick Cheney...you can stick a fork in him...

Sincerely N.D.Ted

February 13, 2006

When does attorney season open up anyway...if you are Ted's age (older than dirt) and hunted as a yute...you actually stalked your game...usually in your secret hunting spot...today you look out in a field and you see 25 guys lined up in a row all shooting at the same drugged bird that was just let out of the cage by the gun club operators...and you wonder why more of these kinds of things don't happen...just how far from the button is Dick Cheney's finger anyway...shooting fish in a barrel...you can stick a fork in that...

Sincerely N.D.Ted

February 5, 2006

Ted's Top Five Super Bowl Observations...

5 Steel or High Tech

4 John Madden or Milk Toast

3 Paul Allen or some one that is competitive

2 Cowher or Tracy

1 Mick Jagger's face or a Vagina

Sincerely N.D.Ted

January 17, 2006

OK...and just who is the mayor of New Orleans anyway...Ray Nagin...and Ted thought it was Willie Wonka...and just who does Mayor Nagin Nog think he is...a maitradee ...I guess it all depends on your definition of chocolate...are we talking rocky road here...or mousse...or chips...or milk...or dark...or cherry...or fudge...this is an amazing statement by an amazing man...let them try to blame this food-paux on the Feds...you can stick a dessert fork in that...

Sincerely N.D.Ted

January 10, 2006

Baby Love...do you think that the Founders would be floundering over the Supremes the way modern day legislative warriors are blabbering over the confirmation of Small Al...a little Mexican lingo...and you thought it was a big deal when Diana Ross left...and what great radio host coined the phrase...psycho babble...what else do these people have to do...I guess Ted just doesn't like to listen to himself talk...I am sure the fellow and fellowette chatters in TedHall would agree...now watch my self type...A little bit of Small Al a little longer...you can stick a fork in that...

Sincerely N.D.Ted

Wow...two thousand and five...done...finito...gone..bang zoom...time flies when you are having fun...I would like to thank all the good people who read the Not Daily Ted column...and all the fine folks who stop by TedHall and say hey...thanks to the Webmaster for providing us this forum...thanks to the man upstairs for his guidance...and thanks to the kids in China who make my forks...

Sincerely N.D.Ted

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas to all...
Family and Friends...cyber and real...
Good ones and bad ones...
You are all a big deal...
From Tedhall to Monty Hall...
Let's make a deal...
From now on Christmas...
Is the good that we feel...

Sincerely N.D.Ted

December 18, 2005

That was full of ballots Ted...not bull...or was it...I know...I know...the whole world doesn't like wrestling like Ted likes wrestling...but you have to give it to the WWE...and to Rita CROSBY...for all of the great things what were brought home and shared about our troops in Afghanistan...things are going much better over there...we know that JBL leans a bit to the right...but damnit...he is right...under any definition of is...we are with out a doubt going to "Get R Done"...negative press...you can stick Vince McMahon's fork in that...

Sincerely N.D.Ted

December 13, 2005

Ted would like to thank all of the loyal fans who have read over the years...it is time I came clean and reveal my inner most self to you...yes I do write under other names...in Asia Ted writes a column for a Rap Magazine...under the name of Soup Doggie Dog...and in Ireland I am known as 12 Pack...and on a more serious note...it can only be considered a victory for our side...a tanker truck was stopped at the Iranian border and it was bull of ballots...not bombs...chalk one up for the good guys...

Sincerely N.D.Ted